Enter Your Favorite Jokes...

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GlennSFX
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Enter Your Favorite Jokes...

Post by GlennSFX » Tue Apr 09, 2019 8:37 am

A store that sells new husbands has opened in NEWFOUNDLAND,
where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of
how the store operates:
  • You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!
  • There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper
    ascends the flights.
  • The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the
    next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1:
- These men have jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign
reads:

Floor 2:
- These men have jobs and love children.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more,' so she continues upward.
The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3:
- These men have jobs, love children, and are extremely good
looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4:
- These men have jobs, love children, are drop-dead good
looking and help with the housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5:
- These men have jobs, love children, are drop-dead good
looking and help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth
floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6:
- You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor.
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE...
To avoid "gender bias charges", the store's owner opened a New Wives
store just across the street.

The First Floor has wives that love sex.

The Second Floor has wives that love sex, have money and like beer.

The Third, Fourth, Fifth and Sixth floors have never been visited!!! :-D
3 x

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Badgerboy
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Re: Enter Your Favorite Jokes...

Post by Badgerboy » Tue Apr 09, 2019 4:58 pm

What do you call a dyslexic agnostic insomniac? Someone who stays awake all night wondering if there is a Dog.
0 x
If Progress means 'to move forward'...what does Congress mean?

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LT USN (Ret.)
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Re: Enter Your Favorite Jokes...

Post by LT USN (Ret.) » Tue Apr 09, 2019 5:04 pm

Most of my jokes can not be on a PG rated forum.
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Badgerboy
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Re: Enter Your Favorite Jokes...

Post by Badgerboy » Tue Apr 09, 2019 5:06 pm

I had to think long before I came up with something appropriate...clearly a sign of low character.
1 x
If Progress means 'to move forward'...what does Congress mean?

Bfgloki
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Re: Enter Your Favorite Jokes...

Post by Bfgloki » Tue Apr 09, 2019 5:37 pm

First the joke:

One day, God was sitting on high bored out of his mind. His creation was running perfectly. While looking about for something to do he noticed a man in a row boat on a small river. Not knowing why he was intrigued he noticed the man was rowing at a steady pace and singing:
"Row row row your boat, gently down the stream....merrily merrily merrily life is but a dream"
God thought to himself " I wonder what would happen if I took away 1/4 of his brain"
He snapped his fingers and observed:
The man kept rowing at the same pace but his singing had changed " Row..Row...your boat...down stream....Merrily, Merrily...life is a dream"
Being curious he thought " What if I took another 1/4 of his brain"
Again he snapped his fingers and saw this:
The man was still rowing but his song had changed ever so slightly again " Row..boat...stream....merrily..life...dream"
Not wanting to give up now the Lord decided to see what another 1/4 of the mans brain would yield...another godly snap of his fingers and suddenly he saw the man begin rowing at 8x faster and his singing became loud and clear:
"BE, ALL THAT YOU CAN BE....."

Now the first time I told that joke I was a fresh out of Basic Airman at Chanute AFB ( ya I am old ) and had almost no clue what a Joint training base was. So wanting to make friends quickly I sat down with a heap of strangers in the chow hall ( they were all in civvies...) and after exactly 38 seconds I figured I would share my great joke. They were all Army guys. Needless to say I had to retreat quickly but don't worry, the next evening during our flag football game we played....you guessed it, the Army unit and every single one of those gents were on the team. I learned that the VA disability rating for a spleen was 40% that night.

God bless my fellow brothers in arms, planes & boats. 27 years 9mos served...3 months until my watch is up. LT...aren't you due to retire soon as well?
2 x

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LT USN (Ret.)
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Re: Enter Your Favorite Jokes...

Post by LT USN (Ret.) » Tue Apr 09, 2019 5:44 pm

Bfgloki wrote:
Tue Apr 09, 2019 5:37 pm
LT...aren't you due to retire soon as well?
Military retirement was 20 years ago, I'm retiring from federal service 27 DEC 2019. Got to love double-dipping! :d
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Bfgloki
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Re: Enter Your Favorite Jokes...

Post by Bfgloki » Tue Apr 09, 2019 6:12 pm

Nice! I am debating if I want to work or just keep it low key. I have a offer to work for the JROTC in a DE school. Since I still own property there I am considering. But I don’t have to work so that’s always nice.
0 x

C wordLover
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Re: Enter Your Favorite Jokes...

Post by C wordLover » Tue Apr 09, 2019 6:22 pm

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a hot tub?
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Re: Enter Your Favorite Jokes...

Post by LT USN (Ret.) » Tue Apr 09, 2019 6:25 pm

C wordLover wrote:
Tue Apr 09, 2019 6:22 pm
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a hot tub?
Matt?
0 x
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Re: Enter Your Favorite Jokes...

Post by jgillaspy » Tue Apr 09, 2019 6:43 pm

LT USN (Ret.) wrote:
Tue Apr 09, 2019 6:25 pm
C wordLover wrote:
Tue Apr 09, 2019 6:22 pm
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a hot tub?
Matt?
Nope, Bob...
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Re: Enter Your Favorite Jokes...

Post by LT USN (Ret.) » Tue Apr 09, 2019 6:50 pm

"Matt" was they guy with no arms & legs at the front door!

What do you call him is he's nailed on your wall?
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
''
'
Art!
0 x
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Re: Enter Your Favorite Jokes...

Post by Badgerboy » Tue Apr 09, 2019 7:05 pm

In a hole? Phil
Behind a boat? Skip
In a pile of leaves? Russell
On stage? Mike
Under a car? Jack
1 x
If Progress means 'to move forward'...what does Congress mean?

Tejas Products
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Re: Enter Your Favorite Jokes...

Post by Tejas Products » Tue Apr 09, 2019 8:42 pm

A priest, rabbi and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says. . What is this a joke.
0 x
Beware of Dragons. For you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

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Re: Enter Your Favorite Jokes...

Post by GlennSFX » Wed Apr 10, 2019 10:50 am

A "Blonde" joke my brother had sent me...

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''
0 x

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Re: Enter Your Favorite Jokes...

Post by Tejas Products » Wed Apr 10, 2019 11:21 am

I got pulled over yesterday... The cop walked up to my window and said "Papers".. I looked at him and said "scissors".. Laughing as I drove away because I won, I realized he must want a rematch... He's been chasing me for the last 2 miles....
0 x
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Re: Enter Your Favorite Jokes...

Post by LT USN (Ret.) » Wed Apr 10, 2019 5:23 pm

Image
1 x
LT

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Re: Enter Your Favorite Jokes...

Post by LT USN (Ret.) » Wed Apr 10, 2019 5:25 pm

Tejas Products wrote:
Wed Apr 10, 2019 11:21 am
He's been chasing me for the last 2 miles....
Image
1 x
LT

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oldfrank
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Re: Enter Your Favorite Jokes...

Post by oldfrank » Wed Apr 10, 2019 7:04 pm

Two blondes driving home late at night after visiting some bars.
One says " Oh heck, there is a police car behind us!"
The other one says " That really doesn't mean anything and we may not be in trouble unless his blue lights are on. Are they?"
Blonde answers "No Yes No Yes No yes No yes"
1 x

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Re: Enter Your Favorite Jokes...

Post by GlennSFX » Wed Apr 10, 2019 7:32 pm

LT USN (Ret.) wrote:
Wed Apr 10, 2019 5:25 pm
Tejas Products wrote:
Wed Apr 10, 2019 11:21 am
He's been chasing me for the last 2 miles....
Image
LOL...LOL...LOL!!! :lol:
0 x

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Re: Enter Your Favorite Jokes...

Post by GlennSFX » Wed Apr 10, 2019 7:34 pm

oldfrank wrote:
Wed Apr 10, 2019 7:04 pm
Two blondes driving home late at night after visiting some bars.
One says " Oh heck, there is a police car behind us!"
The other one says " That really doesn't mean anything and we may not be in trouble unless his blue lights are on. Are they?"
Blonde answers "No Yes No Yes No yes No yes"
"YES"... =)) ..."NO"... :)) ..."YES"... =)) ..."NO"... :))
0 x

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