Todays really bad attempt at being funny.

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Tejas Products
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Todays really bad attempt at being funny.

Post by Tejas Products » Wed Mar 18, 2020 9:42 am

Ok... So I'm no novelist nor do I claim to be witty.... But I had some free time this morning and decided to work on my first tactical defense class syllabus....

Enjoy.. Pan it, put it up for a Razzi..... But I hope at least you get a quick chuckle...

Tactical Defense at a Walmart Grocery pickup lane and stopping power of Charmen 3 ply.

Price: $95.00 (or 500 rounds of 9mm ammunition)

Class Highlights

SITUATIONAL AWARENESS - We will discuss identifying potential threat. Discussion will include…
Watching for those walking with a distinct sore butt issue… We would identify that person as one who ran out of toilet paper and mistakenly used leaves covered in poison ivy.
Wringing hands…. A solid indicator that they ran out of antibacterial lotion and used lighter fluid which burned their hands.
Walking in a crouched manner…. The K rations that were stored in the attic were not consumable but they ate them anyway.

NEGOTATION - Is your life really worth that box of Captain Crunch ?

It’s recommended to always have a 6 pack of power bars and a small case of water ready. If you can, offer both as quick negotiation tool to help calm down the situation.. At worst, you can roll the bottles across the parking lot in the hope that the bad guy will turn and try to chase them down which should give you time to finish signing your name to the Walmart iPhone app to verify your old enough to purchase all of that wine you bought.

PROACTIVE DEFENSE -

While we have identified multiple possible defensive scenarios here. We felt that we should only concentrate on those few that would be most effective in this situation.

Immediately hold up a 12 pack of Charmen 3 ply using your weak hand. We recommend that you hold it out away from your body at least 1 foot… This should give you at least a 10 second lead time to draw your weapon while the bad guy stares and drools over the offering.
Shouting as loud as you can… I AM INFECTED. Again this tactic is good for stunning the bad guy for approximately 10 seconds which should give ample time to draw your self defense weapon.


The above points and many others will be discussed in the class. It is recommend that you bring paper, pen, face mask and sneeze guards… Extra points will be given to those who bring extra latex gloves…..
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NRA Pistol Instructor / RSO
Manufacturer of firearm accessories

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higgybaby
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Re: Todays really bad attempt at being funny.

Post by higgybaby » Wed Mar 18, 2020 11:06 am

Hey, not bad. Perhaps you should do a stand-up comedy routine and put it on youtube?

I'd watch it.
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Jester560
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Re: Todays really bad attempt at being funny.

Post by Jester560 » Wed Mar 18, 2020 12:31 pm

What he said^^^^^^
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Lgaam
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Re: Todays really bad attempt at being funny.

Post by Lgaam » Wed Mar 18, 2020 5:08 pm

My ex-cousin-in-law is an aspiring comedy writer/improv comedienne. She's got a couple of YouTube series in the bag, too. Maybe she could turn it into a thing for you...
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Re: Todays really bad attempt at being funny.

Post by Tejas Products » Wed Mar 18, 2020 6:29 pm

LOL. Thanks. I think that was a one trick pony for me. I mean don’t get me wrong, I crack me up all the time. I am in the process of putting together some basic pistol classes together and the idea popped into my head and I just started writing as I went.
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